Archive | December, 2009

An Animal House

29 Dec

Mittens came with me to my parents house for Christmas. They already have a cat, Caleb, and a dog, Webster. Luckily my parents have a large house, because each of these animals are very particular about their territory.

Webster is everywhere all the time. He’s curious about the cats and enjoys giving them a good chase. The way he whips his stuffed animal toys around makes me want to keep him away from Mittens though.

Caleb is pretty secretive about his life. He spends his day roaming the neighbourhood and comes in at night to sleep in Dad’s office. That is until he sneaks up to my room where Mittens and I are quietly sleeping. Christmas morning I was woken up to a cat fight. A cat fight that took place right on top of me.

An entertaining activity that usually happens during any visit to my parents is the animal photography session. It’s usually just Mom and me. We kill ourselves laughing while taking pictures of a pissed off cat and a show off dog. Caleb seems to escape being put through this. Below are the best of the Christmas photo session.

Webster got a new leather jacket for Christmas. He’s quite proud showing it off. Note how his chest hair pokes out the top of the jacket. True biker fashion.



The beauty of Mittens’ photos are in how annoyed she looks. She obviously believes that she’s of a higher intelligence than the photographer (me) or the photographer’s assistant (Mom). It’s as though our actions confirm her theory of us being complete imbeciles.

Walking Forward

28 Dec

So Christmas happened. It has come and gone for another year. It will be another eleven months before we start buying presents, planning menus and decorating the tree again.

I won’t say too much about what my Christmas was like, other than that it was full. My stocking was full. My belly was full. My life was full of people that love me and I love back. My mind and ears were full with visiting and conversation. Christmas was full of all things that come along with holidays and family. The good and the bad.

A few weeks ago I was nervous for the holidays. Worried that I would be missing those people no longer in my life, or at least what those people represented. Worried that I would feel alone and lost. As with most things in life, those worries were unnecessary. I can’t say that those feelings didn’t surface at all. They were there. They were acknowledged. And then I kept walking forward.

I saw myself becoming more confident and more comfortable with myself. I didn’t pretend to be anyone different – insecurities, anxieties and all. I knew I just had to do the best I could. I think that resulted in me being more “me” than I remember in any previous years.

So now I’m home. I’ve spent the evening unpacking, washing my new dishes and planning my grocery list based on the new cookbooks. I keep walking forward.

Falling Again

24 Dec

You know when you’re in a new relationship and you can spend hours with that person gazing into their eyes, getting to know every detail about them and hours pass by without even noticing. Friends and family never hear from you. Regular chores don’t seem to get done and you don’t even care.

This is how my life has been for the last week. It’s as though I’ve fallen in love. Only there’s no one new in my life. Instead, I took a leap of a different kind.

I got an iPhone.

It has to be the single most wonderful piece of technology invented. Over the top? Maybe. Either way, I just had to share how wonderful it is. I love it.

Working Out with Community Characters

22 Dec

The community centre gym brings out a much different crowd than your usual membership-only gym. With a cheaper price tag you get senior citizens and thrifty students (of which I am both…sort of) instead of the uber jocks and head-to-toe Lulu mamas. The community centre also attracts its fair share of community characters.

I took yesterday off work to get an early start to my Christmas vacation. Knowing that I would be stuffing my face for the next week, I thought it would be a good idea to get a little exercise in before I headed to my parents today. I thought it wouldn’t be as busy at noon on a Monday as it usually is at 6:00 on a Wednesday. I was wrong.

Noon on Monday seemed to bring out a different kind of character. One man in particular caught my attention. I would guess he was about 70-75 years old, tall and very thin. At first he was very unassuming, riding the recumbent bike. After about ten minutes I noticed that he was completely hunched over, as though he was sleeping, but still peddling hard. This continued for another five minutes, until, out of nowhere, he bolted upright, arms in the air, fists pumping and cheering himself on as though he was crossing the finish line in the Boston marathon. His face was pointed towards the ceiling, eyes closed as though fully living his dream.

After the finish line cheer, his enthusiasm switched to more of a rock concert arm pump with one arm and then the other. I looked around the room to see if I was the only one noticing this or if in fact, it was considered normal behaviour. A few others were looking, but trying to stifle their “what is going on” looks.

After I had moved over to the elliptical trainer I notice he had finished his workout and was collecting his things from the cubbyholes near the door. He started sorting out all of his things. Getting out clothes from his bag, lining up his clean socks and laying out his street shoes. I was hoping he was just organizing his things before picking them all up and heading to the change rooms.

Again, I was wrong. He stripped right down to his boxers. It wasn’t as though he was doing this to save time or anything, because he still took the time to apply cream to his torso and back. He carefully tucked his shirt in, adjusted his collar and made sure his hair was in fine form. Again, I was left looking around the room to see if I was the only one noticing it. This time it seemed I was.

When it was my turn to leave, I was careful to go to the change room just to put my jacket on and change my shoes. Overly modest or socially aware? You decide.

How Lazy Am I?

17 Dec

This a bread tag. And behind it is my dirty floor. This bread tag is a symbol of just how lazy I have been lately. It has been on the floor in my kitchen, underneath the microwave stand for about two months.

You might ask, “Why don’t I just pick it up and throw it out?” In fact, I’ve asked myself that very question many times. Especially as I vacuum around it. I’ve even washed the floor around it.

A part of me thinks that I’m being nice to my cat and leaving her a toy. Eventually she may play with it and lose it under a cabinet or under the couch, allowing me to postpone having to pick it up until I move next. So far the only interest she has shown in it, is to give me a dirty look and to make me feel like I’m a horrible, sloth of a cat owner.

Another part of me thinks I’ll get to it when I’m picking up other things off the floor. But really, how often do I go around picking things up off the floor? A guess of “never” would be fairly accurate.

The other night I was making a list of all the great things about being single and living alone. I think this is the real reason that the bread tag has been left on the floor for months. Because I can. I can leave out whatever I want, for as long as I want, and I don’t have to answer to anyone. It’s up to me. I can be as clean and tidy or as lazy and messy as I want. It’s a glorious feeling not having someone there to judge and scorn you for leaving a bread tag on the floor.

Sure, Mittens is judgey and complains in her own way. I tell her to piss off. That’s just the kind of relationship we have and the kind of apartment we live in. Bitchy and messy. Just the two of us. And it’s wonderful.

UPDATE: December 31, 2009. I just picked up the bread tag and threw it in the garbage. Along with throwing out chipped dishes that bring back annoyances and hanging new artwork that has hope and infinite possibilities attached to them, I am ready for a new year. A fresh start!

Please Piss Me Off Some More.

15 Dec

Sunday was snowy, cold and the perfect day to spend tucked away in my little apartment preparing for my final exam. Despite my encounters with Carolers the day before, I decided to take a break and venture out into the world. I walked down the street to the grocery store. All I wanted was to buy some milk.

The walk was actually quite pleasant. Snow was falling all around me. I was stopped a few times by people asking for directions. I felt like a local in my new neighbourhood.

I arrived at the store uneventfully and found what I needed in the store and headed to the check out. I chose the cashier with no line up.

She rang up my bill. It came to $10.06.

I handed her $20.06.

She gave me my receipt.

…

Our conversation went something like this:

Me: “Oh actually I gave you a twenty dollar bill.”

Her: “No, you didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Her: “No, you didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, I did”

Her: “No, you didn’t”

Me: “Yes, I did.”

Her: “Yeah, you’re right. I just wanted to see how long we could go on like this.”

WTF?!!! I know it has been a while since I worked in retail, but as far as I know, that is not considered a good game to play with customers. She continued on to say something about missing out on a night’s sleep a few days ago. Not my problem!!!

I gave her the most unimpressed, annoyed, dirty look I could muster before I grumpily trudged my way home.

So, I ask you this, do I have a giant sign on me that says “Please piss me off every time I leave the house”? If I do, could you please tell me. I’d really like to take it off.

When did I become such a Scrooge?

12 Dec

I had a bunch of mid-exam-holiday-party-present-buying season errands to do this afternoon. After driving from spot to spot and being frustrated by traffic and bad drivers, I decided walking in my neighbourhood was the best option to getting the last of the things I needed. I got one block away from my apartment when I wanted to turn around and retreat.

The sidewalks were full of pedestrians with no regard for their fellow sidewalk users. Wandering from side to side, stopping abruptly. Turning around with their coffee in hand and nearly dumping it all over me.

Then there were the Carolers. They make me uncomfortable. God forbid I ever live in a house where they come to my door. I think I would hide under the bed until they left. Their matching hats and eager looking expressions. What am I supposed to do? What do they want from me? Do they expect me to stop and stare? I think that would be rude.

The other side of the street had a band of horn instruments. Again with the matching hats. Perhaps these were the husbands of the Carolers, told that they would wear their Santa hats and they would enjoy themselves dammit. I chose to cross the street. Horns > Carolers. They had sheet music to look at and it was easier to avoid eye contact.

I’m off to a Christmas party tonight. I hope to avoid Christmas music, mistletoe and anyone saying “Ho, Ho, Ho”. I’ll practice my “Bah, humbug” as I get ready, but I imagine all things cheery will be unavoidable for the next three weeks. Le sigh…

Something Good Happened

10 Dec

I’m not quite sure what happened, but one evening this week I came home and I felt different. I was going about my routine, when I stopped and realized “I don’t feel crappy”. It was like all of a sudden my head was clear. I could think. I wish I knew what combination of circumstances led to it, so I can repeat it in the future. But either way, I’ll take it.

I don’t mean to dwell on this whole relationship thing, but really it’s what has been on my mind for the past week. I don’t even think it was the ending of this last relationship that had me so down. I think it was the culmination of everything. All of the change in the last six months. The stress of school. The upcoming holiday season. And generally feeling lost.

The past few days have been full of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I wrote my first of two exams tonight. I’m half way done. I saw P last night for the first time since we broke up. It was good. The tying up of loose ends and the beginning of a new friendship. Acknowledging and thanking him for showing me how well I can be treated.

So something good happened. And when I really think about it, many good things have happened. And they’ll continue to happen. It doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen too, but things will always get better.

Survival Mode

6 Dec

I feel I should be updating my blog and sharing with the world how I’m dealing with the change in my life and what I’m discovering about myself along the way; however, I also feel that until I’m out the other side, I need to protect myself. I need to do as much as I can to figure it all out myself before I write about it.

I’ve switched to survival mode in the last week. I’m only doing what I need to do and what will make me feel the best I can. This means I’m surrounding myself with supportive and positive people. I’m laying on the couch and watching a movie when I need to. I’m going out dancing with girlfriends when the opportunity arises. I’m eating homemade cookies when a box is given to me (see supportive and positive people above).

I have final exams starting this week. I think feeling rested and calm is as important as studying. It’s Sunday evening and I still haven’t studied for my final on Thursday. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week. A fresh start and one last busy week to get through.

It Happened Again

1 Dec

It looks like the blog may have the opportunity for a bit of a transformation. Originally friends had encouraged me to start a dating blog. The Dating Adventures of the World’s Youngest Senior Citizen. Sounds fun, no? But then I went and got into a relationship, ruining all chances to get that started.

Well, as life goes, it happened again. My ass got dumped. It was four months after our first date and two weeks after I’d told him I’d fallen in love. Now I could go on asking myself all sorts of questions. Did I scare him off by what I said? Should I not have said that? Was I not sexy enough? Was I not fun enough? Was I too needy? I was not independent enough? Did he feel pressured? And sure, all of those things are swirly around inside my foggy brain, but the one thing I was sure of going into this relationship, was that I was going to stay TRUE to myself. And I feel confident that I was always myself. I never pretended to be anything else. I never forced our relationship or tried to make it work when it wasn’t.

Despite my puffy, tear stained face, I know that I only want to be with someone that knows for certain that they want to be with me. His reasoning for breaking it off was that he was confused and had a feeling inside that something was missing or something wasn’t right. That’s all I need to hear to know that I’m better off on my own. I’m sure we’ll be able to remain friends. The relationship wasn’t long enough to get bitter and resentful.

I realize how much I’ve learned and grown in the last six months. With a major long term relationship ending and now this. I have a good sense of who I am and what I want. I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with me that has led to this situation. I know that I don’t like feeling heartbroken or lonely and that sometimes I’d really just love a hug. But I also know that I have many supportive people around me and that being happy with myself will bring happiness around me.

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